The stereotype that only girls of "easy virtue" enter into intimate relations with a man after the first date has existed for many centuries. However, in the modern world, it is obvious to an increasing number of people that this is not the case at all. We understand why in some situations it is absolutely normal to agree to sex with a new friend.
Whether or not to have sex on the first date is usually decided by the woman. For this "privilege", she, as society believes, is responsible for her reputation — in the eyes of public opinion and the sexual partner. And in this case it should be prepared for unpleasant consequences: public condemnation, censure, and inability to continue a relationship with this partner. The fact is that age-old dogmas and stereotypes have provided us with a whole package of prejudices about sexuality. Everyone has it individually, but everyone has it in stock. What to oppose to social myths, how to say "Yes" without harming yourself, and in which cases consent and desire are more important than taking care of your reputation — reflects Aina Gromova, a psychotherapist and psychiatrist.
The main myth and rules of the first date
The rules of the first date are unspoken, but they exist. It is not so easy to unify them, because for each nationality, time, culture, and even subculture, they are different. For example, in the creative environment of new York, this is a General phenomenon, but in the Arab world it is a taboo topic. In our country, we have a kind of mix of Patriarchal foundations, modern trends with a very strong position of family education and personal experience. Therefore, the regulation of sexual acceptability is unique for each person, although it is based on certain General canons. And in society, the main myth rules — to perceive sexuality in favor of gender, that is, to directly link gender and needs for sex. As a result, we have a stable stereotype: a man is polygamous, and a woman is monogamous — and this is the norm
In fact, sexuality is not related to gender, but to individual characteristics of the individual: with the sexual Constitution and the attitudes to sex that this particular person has formed. That is, women can be just as polygamous as men, despite the fact that public opinion believes otherwise. This means that a woman's need for sex on the first date may be the same as a man's.
Why would not you?
Sex on the first date is neither good nor bad, it is a matter of goals and desired results. If a woman feels her inner need for sex without obligations, then why not (the main thing is not to forget about safety)? Yes, it happens that you go on a date purely for the sake of sex: you haven't had it for a long time, and the body requires such a physical discharge; you want to diversify your sex life, etc. — all this is also the reality of life. But at the same time, you should not have false hopes of forming a stable long-term contact with this partner.
It is quite another matter if you are set up for a long-term Union and creating a family. In General, you can build an argument "for and against" sex on the first date only by understanding the nature of human sexuality and the goals of a particular person. You also need to understand the difference between the two types of orgasm
As it will respond, so it will respond
The entire human sexual cycle, with phases of arousal, plateau, orgasm, and resolution, passes through the nervous system. The transition from one stage of the sexual cycle to another is possible only if the psyche is ready for this. The stage of orgasm can have two different manifestations: physiological resolution and psychosexual orgasm.
Physiological orgasm is a physical release that is easily achievable on your own, or with an arbitrary partner who does not carry any value for you. That's exactly the kind of orgasm you can get on a first date.
The second sexual sensation that everyone wants to experience is the deepest physical and mental pleasure. Having experienced a psychosexual orgasm, a person will not be subjectively satisfied with just a physiological discharge in the future. But the catch is that to get these vivid experiences, you need to meet a number of conditions. And sex on the first date is not included (and even contraindicated). That's why.
When used correctly, sex can be a tool that strengthens relationships
A person is so arranged that a psychosexual orgasm is available to him only with a very desirable partner. Very desirable, so valuable, important, interesting, attractive and meaningful even without sex. It is almost impossible to gain a foothold in all these positions on the first date. In order to "settle" in the emotional sphere of a partner, it takes time, bright communication, joint passage of some situations — in a word, dynamics. And this is the first condition. The second and most important thing is that along with the emotional dynamics, sexual dynamics must also be present. It is characterized by an increase in sexual tension — lust.
Even before sex with you, a person should want it at the level of fantasy: imagine and play the scenario of the first intimate contact, worry about the nuances, think about how to do better. Dreams on this topic should become his constant companion. And when the fantasy finally becomes reality, the person subjectively believes that this contact is brighter and better than any other. In favor of this opinion, the effect of euphoria from a dream come true works.
When exactly this dream "come true", there is no exact answer, as there is no generally accepted standard, because all people are different, and it is not known when the degree of sexual intensity occurs in each case. One thing is certain: if you want to make sex with you memorable, give your partner a feeling of non — physiological orgasm, which he probably experienced many times- help him feel true sexual pleasure. And then your contact will definitely not be one-time, because having felt a psychoemotional orgasm with you, your partner will be even more interested in a long and lasting relationship.
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