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Как разговаривать с мужчиной в постели

In Russian, there are few words for various stupid things that are usually done in bed. But we don't want to be silent, so we asked a colleague from a friendly publication to compile a more or less decent sex PhraseBook for us.
So, whether to communicate with a man in bed, even if you do not really want to, and there is no habit? There may be arguments both for and against.

• Conversations are the first step to sexual liberation, which, let's say in confidence, is the only way to build a long – term relationship. Few men will risk saying "let's not play the piano today, I'm Tired of it" if his girlfriend is silent. In the opposite direction, this also works: if you have a habit of talking to your partner, it will not be difficult to identify their fantasies. "I really like what you do", so you will encourage the insecure, and the confident and even raise to the rank of king. "I want you to do this and that" - if you are already naked lying on the floor, bed or sitting on, say, a cutting table, why not be Frank to the end? Don't be afraid to talk about your desires!
• The language for talking in bed almost never comes entirely from outside. Some words lovers come up with together or fill with a new meaning. Guess what this contributes to? No, not crazy! Emotional intimacy!
Against
• If you haven't been in the habit of talking under the covers before, any phrases will sound forced at first. Some girls do not get rid of the feeling of awkwardness – and their attempts to speak greatly confuse men. Up to the point of losing an erection.
• It is almost impossible to develop a universal language for bed: each partner requires a different approach, and it takes time to find this approach. If you are absolutely not going to marry someone who is currently sleeping with you, then there is nothing to talk about with them.
• Do not forget about the sacramental phrases that each of us, if not uttered already, will definitely "blurt out" one day. Take care of the nerves of men, they are already hard to live. You should not cheerfully announce to him that "the former did better", believe me, this will not make your current one succeed, on the contrary, everything will end very tragically. "That's it?» - Yes, in some cases, it is really difficult to understand everything or not everything, but it is still not worth clarifying. Maybe you'll figure it out a second time, or a third time...or…

• Some of us like to ask "What are you thinking about?", not get an answer, get offended, understand that life is not with that, but in the meantime, the casket just opened: it does not think about anything. Generally. At all. Even when he's not having sex. Remember the anecdote where a husband and wife were lying in bed after a violent sexual act, and while the lady mentally Packed her bags, as she came to the conclusion that her husband did not love her, he in turn thought about how a fly walks on the ceiling and does not fall. Are you still sure you want to know what he's thinking? Don't get distracted, have fun, so that you don't have to ask "Is that all?" later.
When it is impossible to be silent
There are several types of partners with whom you can not only talk, but even need to, otherwise, nothing will work.
Virgins. If you can't trick your partner into telling you that you're their first (he'll never admit it, especially if he's sixteen), and get away in time, talk to them. An innocent person will be embarrassed anyway, so you won't ruin anything. On the contrary, you will instill a useful habit of conversation and minimize the number of errors and misfires.
Porn lovers. In fact, any man can be classified in this class. Anyone who says they don't watch porn is lying. This is the law. But first of all, video consumers (according to statistics) are owners of broken hearts, snobs who choose a girlfriend for a long time, and who have not risen very much on the social ladder. So it's easier to download a fantasy from the Internet than to go to a strip club or Thailand for it. In porn, they try to force more sexual stimuli, including moans and various phrases. Over time, this can develop the viewer's habit of having sex out loud.
Husbands and old partners. Old – not in the sense that they are in their seventies, but in the sense that you have been Dating for more than a year. To maintain the degree of relationships, you just need to learn how to speak. And now it is easier to do this than in the first months: a lover who has eaten a pood of cutlets with you will not be afraid and will not run away, no matter what you tell him.

What men want
You don't need to be Erich Fromm or another prominent psychoanalyst to understand that all men are different. However, if you didn't go further than this conclusion, try using the ready-made classification. Even if it were mine. Knowing it, you can easily adapt your speech to a particular partner.
Taciturn person. Contrary to popular belief, this is a fairly small group within a huge population of men. Silence in bed is usually preferred by those unlucky people who were taught in childhood that sex is dirty. And if they can still do "this" in silence (and even get an orgasm that they are ashamed of), then any attempt to talk about sex inspires them with horror. It is easy to recognize a silent person: because of the intimophobia that has developed since childhood, he will delay the moment of intimacy with you in every possible way and, perhaps, will not have sex at all. In part, the silent ones are joined by the owners of small advantages. They perceive any nickname given to their cog as a mockery or insult, and therefore they themselves are silent, so as not to provoke.
Hypocrites. A milder form of razgovarivali – habit to consider some of the words gross and dirty, and others are acceptable. The prude will never say the word "dick", but will have a dozen euphemisms ready for it, including medical ones and those that cause only legitimate laughter.
Inventors. It is easy to use any words except the most obscene ones, but they prefer euphemisms of their own invention to all of them. "Uncle Vasya", "Dickens", "strudel", "fighter" – all these nicknames are born in the minds of healthy and sane people. Inventors are the most numerous class.
Boors. The love of obscenity is characteristic of authoritarian and masochistic individuals. Insults cause moral pain, even if not always realized. Therefore, a man can use them as a weapon and pathogen. By the way, not only people who are generally used to swearing become rude, but also depressed alpha leaders who have failed to realize their dreams and ambitions in other areas of life.
Let them talk!
In a childish way: "Pusya", "pisya", "titya", "sisya", as well as their derivatives: "pusinator", "sisyandr" and so on in the same spirit. These words are good because they have a soft humorous subtext, which means they help to relieve tension, defuse the situation and create an atmosphere of trust. Ideal for hypocrites and inventors. They can be suitable for gradually removing silent people from a sexual coma – because with their help you can compete with the Ghost of his mother for a place in the subconscious. If you want to mess around, of course.
Borrowings: if you both watch the same TV series that jokes about sex – "Clinic", "the Big Bang Theory", "Friends", "True blood", then you can take a ready-made character system from there. "Ding-Dong", "flower", "pot", "twins" (for the breast), "you grow fangs" – all this can quickly come into use and even remind you of the romantic moments when you watched the last episode together. Borrowing from languages and slang that you both know also works well: "bubis", "dick", "pinkie", "oppai", "PON-PON" (YAP.). To enrich the language with cute words, joint viewing of erotica helps. Ideal for imaginers and hypocrites, it can work for a brute.
Edible-inedible: the easiest way to create your own language, without particularly straining your head, is to take ready – made names of dishes and products. "Cucumber", "banana", "crumpets", "buns", "lingonberry", "cream" and even just "yummy" sound cute. And these words are so many that even the most picky gourmet will be able to find something to your taste. Rude people are unlikely to like it, and everyone else is likely to be delighted (even a silent person can get used to it).
Analogies and metaphors: to Come up with a clear euphemism, such as "boat", "doors", "POM-poms", "stem" – a creative task, but not difficult. Another thing is that, unlike the same product metaphors, such words will have artificiality and reduce the romantic pathos. However, they can be used with hypocrites and inventors, if the more common options seem too boring.

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